Something Wicked

Everyone runs along a kind of emotional or positive/negative
spectrum throughout their lives. Many factors come to play in where
on the spectrum we lie. Even the people we meet sometimes change us
for better or worse. But there is something that happens on the
extreme ends of the spectrum. Something extremely rare.

A soul can only hold so much negativity, so much pain or anger. We
tend to bottle things up and hold them in. Little things soon add up
to big things and before you know it your soul cup is overflowing.

I run the spectrum much like everyone else. When bad things come I
have this odd idea that somehow a good life will protect me from an
evil one. That my will and strength can never be overcome by the
negativity I have been influenced by. But no matter how strong you
are everyone has his or her limitations.

So I play with the idea of the extreme end of the spectrum to see
where my limitations are and what I would be capable of doing if I
went straight to one end or the other. And the very idea of someone
with my training and knowledge running around with no code, no
remorse, no empathy or compassion, full of anger and hate and
vengeance is a terrifying thought.

Being filled with so much pain and hate that you loose control and
lash out at the world. Able to snap the neck of your closest Friend
without a single thought. Throwing out curses to anyone who comes
near to you or tries to help. And every nightmare, every negative
emotion, event, or person you ever came into contact with have taken
over your soul.

The concepts of good and evil have long been debated in pagan
circles. Could a good person become so overwhelmed be evil that they
become evil themselves? If you take in too much do you simply
overload?

Most will tell you that we do need both positive and negative forces
in our lives and that in our wisdom we do our best to keep them in
balance. The general notion seems to be that the center of the
spectrum is the best place to stand. I tend to agree.

In magic we find that we are capable of doing great things. But we
are also capable of terrible things as well. Magic's nature is based
on the intent of the wielder. It can save a life or it can take a
life. As in all circles you have predators, prey, hunters and
teachers throughout paganism. It is not what they call themselves
that matters. It is what is in their nature to do that counts.

From darkness to light and back again I have traveled. I have lived
through things that people cannot imagine. And I walked out of it
all fairly good. That does not mean I can stay that way without some
effort. My general silliness aside if I was to turn "dark" and be
filled with hate I would feel sorry for anyone who crossed paths
with me. Friend or not.

I told everyone once that if I were to ever take on a student I
would make him or her write a sort of autobiography. An easy way to
find out who you really are. If you spend that much time in self-
discovery you fond out things about yourself that do not normally
come to the surface. We are trained from birth on what to show and
what not to show according to the expectations of our society. Some
things get buried so deeply that we never see them. Often times it
is our true nature. Animal totems and such are ways to tap into that
but they never really go into a deep exploration. They just add on
synonyms. Truth covered with yet another label. As if people were
not running around with enough nametags on them as it is.

Darkness, pain, and frustration are all part of the human
experience. They test your soul and your resolve. And as a general
rule what angers you controls you. If you slide too far to that end
of the spectrum the gravity of the situation does tend to pull you
down and everyone around you will go down too. But you will not care
because it is in our nature to destroy ourselves. That is why we
have this current and odd celebration of pissers and moaners who
come around looking for some kind of metaphysical intervention to
all their woes. Like a child who was just burnt by a match and has
no idea why it hurt them. So they keep on playing with matches and
keep on getting burned. Knowing that no matter what they will always
have someone else there to kiss it all better. And being the kind
natured souls we are we do it instead of slapping them upside the
head and asking them what in the blue hell they were thinking.

If it hurts don't do it! How is that for words of wisdom dumbass?