Darkwater

There are times in our lives when the future that we once saw so
clearly begins to get distant and somehow darker. Things are not as
clear cut as we wish they were and the vivid dreams that once made us
feel so alive and driven seem to disappear right before our eyes. We
have a lot of goals and dreams that we don't always achieve for one
reason or another. And sometimes the dreams remain even though the
world in which we lived while we were pondering these things and
running after them has changed. Sometimes when we see into our future
the world we see is quite different from the world we arrive in. I
would wager to say that everyone no matter what path, has had one or
two dreams that played out quite differently in reality. And sometimes
when those dreams don't come true they haunt our hearts in shallow
graves where forgetting can not reach and we feel the dull pain of
it every moment of every day. That dull ache, that one small
misperception, that one failure, is enough to murk up the waters and
flow of our everyday lives. We will find ourselves late at night when
sleep wont come "Where did I go wrong?" And it is an unanswerable
question who's answer does not bring much clarity. Because sometimes
there is no wrong. And all that we are left with to ponder over is
the humbling thought that no matter our wisdom or will there are
some things and events in our lives that we are simply not in control
of. In coming to that realization one of the first and most common
emotions that we are confronted with is the feeling of being
helpless. We realize that we might not be as strong as we once
thought we were. Back when the dream was alive and well and nothing
in this world or any other could stop us from chasing after it. One
of the many facets of the problematic pursuit of dreams is that
mortals tend to be multitaskers and the lesson of the hunt provides
reference: If you chase to rabbits you loose them both. One of the
reasons mortals are multitaskers is that they are here on borrowed
time and some part of the soul knows it. So when they want things or
they want things to happen they want them right now and in spades so
that they can fit it all into their short lives. How many times have
you use the excuse "I don't have time....?" When it comes to the big
picture that statement is probably truer than you think! In all
reality people really do not have time for all that they want. And
while wanting is a driving force that sets us on the path to being
successful it is also a weight that will pull us down into the dark
water that has been murked up and polluted by all the things that we
wanted and never gained. And we find ourselves drowning in a pool of
disappointment that is very hard to swim out of. Especially when we
can't let go of the rock that holds us under. One dream fails and we
get deeper and deeper into the dark water. And it is a pool that has
no firm bottom. Every time we try and fail the pool gets deeper. And
it is because of our hearts desire that we are in the pool rather
than setting on the banks and letting our disappointments fall away
from us and into the pool where they can be pondered over but as
safely as reading the book of life. There are some things that don't
make it into the pool of dark water. Instead of being something in
the back of our minds these things flow through our veins and we feel
them as a constant dull ache that tenses our muscles and makes our
throats sore because we don't have the words to express them. We
literally choke on shards of broken dreams. Come now the lesson of
Angel. One of the hardest things for a mortal heart to learn is how
to let go of that which you most desire. In the lesson, dreams.
Clear, beautiful, heavenly, driving, passionate, dreams are only
perfect when that which you most desire remains just out of reach.
Untainted by the finger prints of mortality and unbound by all the
ties and boundaries that we place on the edges of our world. It is
wise to continue to be a dreamer despite all the dreams that come and
go in a breath of forgetting or a stab of disappointment. The child
that lives beyond the boundaries of our adult life must be allowed to
play and be free to entertain new thoughts and dreams to replace
those that have fallen into the dark water. We must remember the
light that came from the dreams and nurture the positive rather than
the afterthoughts that are murked by the simplistic fact that those
dreams did not manifest as we willed them too. We have to realize
that sometimes it is enough and that always it is a gift to simply be
able to dream. To have that one moment when the reality of the world
in which we are forced to live in falls away and we can see a world
that we would like to live in. And sometimes the best we can do is
try to integrate some of the many details of the dream world into
our otherwise mundane lives. In doing so we begin to create a magical
world. With elements of dreams even if we do not have the dreams
themselves. Thus, the boundaries of a cold hard reality and life we
may not be content with begin to soften and colors that are only grey
begin to take on a different hue. Auras from the shards of dreams that
spread ordinary light into a rainbow cascade that when we look upon
changes our eyes from that of an adult obsessed with money, bills,
and worry to the eyes of a child with nothing but wonder and a smile.
And in that moment we realize that things aren't as bad as they
seem. One dream has faded to make room for another. Such is life and
such is the mind of a child who at one moment is doing this and the
next moment they are doing that. They act on the whims and dreams of
their imagination. As carefree as a mouse in the pantry and they
never see the rocks at the bottom of the dark water. They're far to
busy to even look.

Angel Snowden -2006