The Problem of Pain

"I dislike death. But there are things I dislike more than death.
Therefore, there are occasions when I will not avoid danger."

Every experience we ever have in our lifetimes can be measured on a
scale that ranges from pain to pleasure. Some events make us so
blissful that the material world falls away and nothing exists but
that one moment. While others hurt us so deeply that they send us
reeling, sometimes for years, long after the pain itself is gone.
Those events are sometimes so powerful that even recalling them can
invoke new pain.

Humans seem to have an enduring fascination with pain. They can
often recall the most painful moments of their lives in vivid color
but when it comes to the happy moments they just don't seem to hold
our interest as long. A story of complaint will always run longer
than a tale of joy. So long as this trend remains the tale of the
human race will be a tragedy that was paused for small moments by
seconds of joy. Rather than a story of unity and triumph that was
broken from time to time by hardship.

One of the many definitions for pain is:

*Pain is an emotion experienced in the brain, it is not like touch,
taste, sight, smell or hearing. It is categorized into Acute Pain
less than twelve weeks duration and Chronic Pain of more than twelve
weeks. Pain can be perceived as a warning of potential damage, but
can also be present when no actual harm is being done to the body.
www.drback.co.uk/glossary.htm

"Pain is an emotional experience..." Often those experiences are
highlighted in the tales of our lives and they can invoke many other
negative emotions aside from pain. Sometimes these emotions revolve
so rapidly that we can't really put a finger on exactly how we feel
about the experience itself aside from the basic observation that
for whatever reason we don't like the feelings we are having. One
would think that if we didn't like something we would simply stop
doing it. And aside from the excuse that we can't choose how we feel
we do get to choose whether or not to feed, entertain, and relive
the same things over and over again. But most people will do just
that. They will keep an old pain alive for as long as possible and
for the most part they don't realize that they're actually doing it.
And it would seem that we are all too often defined by the amount of
pain we have endured over the years. Some of those who have endured
pain are praised for their endurance or they are pitied for their
age old tears. In considering this we need to ponder just how long
the pain would last if we didn't nurture it so much. An equation
that would be different from person to person depending on countless
factors. But one that would eventually average out. I for one will
only listen to someone hanging from the tree of woe for so long
before my resolve and empathy wears thin. If an event that took
place 15 or 20 years ago still haunts you to this day then there is
something there that is long over due to be confronted. Contrary to
the perception there is a clear distinction between pain and fear.

Witches need to take heed on the pain they carry around in
themselves. A soul can only hold so much negativity. If you don't
learn how to empty the cup from time to time the pain will own you.
A common observation in the pagan community is that the first few
years seem to be the hardest. People often come into this mystic
world carrying with them things that don't belong here. It would
seem that by magic's design past demons are the first to be added to
our tests of growth as more spiritual creatures. Witchcraft has a
funny way of making people confront things about themselves and
their lives that normal people never take the time to consider.

Some beat their pain and in doing so they become stronger, brighter,
and are often looked to to guide others through the turbulence. Some
never find the courage and end up becoming something that the world
could do without. Reason being, when you learn to truly use magic
you will find that their is a strong link to your emotions and those
emotions can lead to venting negativity in magical ways. Think of it
like handing a loaded gun to a child who has never seen a gun before.

But what about the more experienced witch? Someone who has already
been through many stages of growth and has an undeniable power?
Pain, loss, and fear are all part of who we are. They are always
right there no matter how high we go in spiritual ascension. Because
of what we have endured, the codes we live by, and what we see
ourselves as, it is very easy for us to simply deny the possibility
that we could becomes something else. When we spend time focused and
bragging about our strengths we don't spend enough time looking at
our weaknesses. That alone could eventually lead to our downfall.

Just as the beginner, the problem with having advanced magical
skills is that those skills are tools that can be use for good or
ill. Can you really imagine what you would be capable of if the
darkness overwhelmed the light and all of your rules, morals, and
bonds no longer mattered? It's easy to say that you can beat another
person. It's not so easy to say that we would win if it ever came to
fighting ourselves. Because we would be facing someone that knows
all that we know, has the same power and tricks that we have, and
can anticipate our every move. So how does one win?

There's a thought in the Kabbalah that Armageddon, the ultimate
fight between good and evil, will be fought within one soul. And
what better test to weigh the hearts of men? In this battle one
would find out what truly rules their lives. Pain or happiness.
Courage or fear. What details in your tale really define your
character? Your strength or your pain? And which do you choose to
glorify in story or rhyme?

It's been nearly two years now since I lost my family and everything
I knew and loved. Not only did I loose my daughter which was the
worst of it all but I also lost everything about that life. My
house, everything that I owned, my work, even the freaking dog! The
pieces of that life are spread out all over the county. Family and
strangers alike now own pieces of my old life and I am confronted
with those shards all the time. Things that were sold off for dimes
and nickles by my own sister two weeks after the world ended. Nice
to have a supportive family isn't it?

I never liked talking about that story much. I'm the guy who is
suppose to be untouchable. But I have an awful lot of scars to prove
otherwise. I just don't glorify them. Instead, I took the energy
that was pain and instead of allowing it to define the rest of my
life I used it and created something from it that other people have
come to love and cherish. It was that same pain that guided me to
create the Den.

The foundation stones of this group and many of my writings are from
my worst pain. An experience and energy that once upon a time I
thought would kill me. I excepted it, harnessed it, and redirected
it. It turned out to be my greatest spell ever! One that I really
don't know if I could ever reproduce and I pray to the Gods that I
never have to.
I can however offer you all the very beginning. The very same
meditation that placed me into a dark and smokey room where the only
other person around was the part of me that was pain and darkness.
There was a clear separation between the two of us. Him on one side
in all his rage and pain and me on the other wanting nothing but
silence and peace. For a very long moment I didn't really know which
side of me was going to win. This is the very same meditation that I
referenced in another work that almost landed me in the hospital.
So, for those of you who have always wanted me to get into how I got
to be who and what I am here is a golden nugget for you. Because
before anyone on-line knew who I was as a witch or anything else
there was this one night and this one meditation that would decide
the future for me and for every life that I have touched for better
or worse since. It was Snowden vs. Snowden and the secret to it all
is in the words.

Game's over. Your time is up.

(Prayer of the Avatar)

I become one with everything.
I become one with you.
I become everything.
Therefore I become nothing.
Therefore, you are nothing.
Without my anger, you have no substance.
Without my pride, you have no form
Without my hate, you have no being.

It was all short and sweet. Repeated time and time again in my mind
through a rather advanced breathing exercise where you take deep
breaths in then let them out slowly as if you are having to force
them out, making a deep sound, almost like a humming sound, as you
do so. The physical motions was a martial arts kata designed to
focus your chi near your navel where at the end of the practice your
cradle the energy and then simply let it go in one last silent sigh.

The pain did everything it could to remain in existence. The riddle
of it's being was answered the moment that I discovered that the
only way to banish it was to accept it as being part of who I am.
And part of every other soul in the world who has yet to realize it.

I managed to defeat pain once. That did not make me a master at it.
I have other pains that still hold sway over my moods, words, and
actions. Pains that may never be explained or resolved. The
difference is that now I do take the time to consider them before
they take the time to consider me. And I choose to face them and
live with them everyday. Not because I want to by any means but
because sometimes the price of pain is worth the gifts. "The pain
now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

I am what I am because I do know my strength. The measuring stick
for that strength is all of my weaknesses rather than my ego. In
considering my weaknesses I find that there is still more that is
good and noble in my soul than there is pains and evils in my past.
And it is my soul that I choose to glorify and offer to the world.
Not my many tales. Besides, why would I want to waste my life
reliving old stories that I already know by heart and have been worn
out on, when I have been led into a new world with many great people
in which to write new tales with?

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Avatar:
an advanced Initiate who incarnates the Divine Mind and Universal
Life of God at one or more levels of the Great Continuum of
Consciousness. It is also used as an honorary title to indicate
someone who has attained mastery in the Supracosmic Sphere. It is
also used to designate the highest Initiate in the Third
Transcendental Path.
www.mudrashram.com/glossarypage.html

Angel Snowden - 2006