The everyday masters

The everyday masters
Outside the city of Oslo is getting ready for winter. I am
chatting in the bar with a very popular European singer. We talk
about fame and success, and at a certain moment she asks me if I
have anything important to teach her.
"Of course not," I answer. "You lead your life like someone who
knows that one day they are going to die, and that is what is most
important. Nevertheless, I can propose a task for you: for the next
six months, keep a diary called "the everyday master." We always
learn something different between dawn and dusk: why not write it
down?"
She accepts the task. Six months later, I receive a copy of her
diary full of very interesting notes, lessons from people she met
only once but who are certain to remain for ever. Below are some of
the most important of these entries.

Accepting yourself
I found out who I am by looking at others. I am afraid of not
being as good as they think I am, but I believe they all think this
about themselves. During the time that I kept this diary, I finally
accepted that I am brave enough to feel fear and to see myself
without any artifices. I feel secure enough to feel insecure.
I discovered that people try to project a lot of their own
insecurity onto you, just as you do with them. They try to diminish
you because they feel small, try to intimidate you because they are
not convinced that they are capable.

In search of love
Today I met a Korean who read my hand: a funny character, a
wise man for the others but incapable of learning what he teaches.
Of course, like all fortune-tellers, he thought that I wanted to
know about my love life, so he told me things that I always need to
hear:
a] I am looking for security and adventure at one and the same
time, and these things do not go well together (I said nothing, but
if I had to choose, I would take adventure).
b] I fall in love very quickly, and get bored just as
fast. "Learn to love yourself," he said. My problem is not exactly
love, because I manage to fall in love so easily – my problem is to
show this love, my relating with others.
c] Why do I get into so many frustrated relationships with so
many men? Because I feel that I always have to be relating with
someone – and so I am forced to be fascinating, intelligent,
sensitive, and exceptional. The effort of seducing makes me give the
best of myself, and that helps me. Besides, it is very hard to live
with myself.

Avoiding keeping control or being controlled
If I react the way that people expect me to, I become a slave
to them – and that is a lesson that applies both to love and work.
It is very difficult to prevent this from happening, because we are
always ready to please somebody, or to start a war when we are
provoked, but people and situations are the consequences of the life
that I have chosen, not the other way around.

Old boyfriends
Today a friend asked me what all my boyfriends have in common.
The answer was easy: ME. And when I said this, I realized how much
time I have lost looking for the right person – because they change,
while I stay the same and get nothing out of what we live together.
What makes me distance myself from men who could be important
in my life? The need always to be in control. The odd thing is that
when I begin to feel jealous, or when I can no longer stand the
amorous relationship, men who were so independent and so full of
themselves turn into scared little lambs. They become afraid of
losing me. At that moment I can no longer respect them and the
relationship becomes impossible.
My friend insisted: "Have you ever loved anyone?" I have always
been afraid of that question, but Paulo asked me to write this diary
and so I have to give an answer. No, I have never loved anyone. I
have had many men but I have always waited for the right person. I
have been all round the world and have not managed to find the home
that I am looking for. I have been in control and have been
controlled, and relationships have never gone beyond that.
Now that I have answered "No, I have never loved anyone," I
feel freer. I see what is missing in my life.

Warrior of the Light, a www.paulocoelho.com.br publication