The End of Innocents

I never really do too much talking about things in my personal life.
Unless there is a lesson to be learned from it. Every now and then
we touch on the topic of the magic in childhood and trying to get
back in touch with that. I picked up on that idea in college. My
composition instructor was Dr. Jack Raymond. One of the oddest men I
have ever met in my lifetime. This guy had such a deep passion for
learning everything there is to know. We spent more time in his
class talking about what is worth knowing more than we did writing.
Once he asked us why the moon is bigger on the horizon than it is in
the center of the sky. Odd thing is that if you hold a quarter up to
the big moon on the horizon it covers it the same amount as it does
the little moon in the middle of the sky. We all had some pretty
logical guesses on why that was and as it turned out...we were all
wrong.

Dr. Raymond asked us what we new about ballet. I've never had any
damned intentions of being a ballerina. But imagine a guy that is in
his 50s and weights about 280 lbs posing as a ballerina in the
middle of our exams just because he felt like it was a nice time to
try it. There's a distraction for you. And that is how we got on the
topic. None of us got to finish the test but we all passed.

He wanted us to walk out of his class not with more knowledge but
with a hunger for it. He made us feel like we were a stranger in our
own back yards. And as it turns out...we were.

The idea of re-reading childhood fairy tales and nursery rhymes came
from the same man. Along with the many quotes that are sometimes
seen on the footer of the Den posts. The only excuse for not knowing
is pure laziness. There's no way around it. If you don't know, find
out. If you don't find out you will never know.

The life and curiosity of a child. It is sometimes a hard thing to
pull off. But while we spend time trying to go back the kids in the
world are trying to find ways of jumping forward.

I have 3 sisters. The youngest one turn 18 this January and she
cannot wait for it to come. I have watched my baby sister go from
being a gymnast and head cheerleader to rock bottom within the last
two years. At the moment she is setting in a juvenile detention
center for running away from home four times within the last two
months. She went from wanting straight "As in school to wanting sex,
alcohol, and above all else freedom. And she does not care whom she
hurts to get it. So what happened?

Life happened. She did pretty well at first. She got to run all over
the place with her friends and pretty much had the money and freedom
to impress them all. Then other parents started slowing their kids
down a bit and new friends replaced her friends. The type ya don't
really want your kid around if you are a responsible parent. But by
the time our parents took a good hard look at these new friends it
was too late.

And so I have watched everyone scramble for the last few months
trying to get her under control. The funny thing about control is
that it has to be granted. No one ever controls another person
unless that person lets him or her do it. And my baby sister had no
intentions what so ever of letting someone else control her life.
The side effect of loosing control is a very violent reaction. You
take away someone's control and they tend to get rather pissy with
you really fast. And so she was threatened and pressed and sent
to "more intimidating" types. But it didn't faze her. She is so
focused on "18" and one galactic "fuck you" to anyone who ever came
in and tried to hold her back from growing up too fast.

It is the whole "I'm right, your wrong" situation. And when both
parties are trying to play that card they cancel each other out and
no one gets anywhere. You repeat the same damned thing over and over
and over again. They couldn't beat my baby sister in a battle of
wills so they sent her away. The latest tactics "If you can't fix
the problem get rid of the problem."

Foresight is something not too many people have. Being able to look
at the details and see how things are likely to turn out. Most play
it day by day or thing that they have the power to change everything
at the last moment. It seldom works out that way though.

In two months my sister will be 18 and her life is going to finally
be in her hands. She will have the power do what she wants, when she
wants, and the only power anyone else will have after that point is
the stupid assed respectable saying "As long as you are in my house
you will follow MY rules." And we are right back to one person
wanting to control another. Worked out well the first time didn't it?

We say we do it out of love and concern. Adults are good at that. We
don't really know how we can better ourselves but we are damn sure
ready to better our kids.

I wonder if I will run into this same thing with my daughter
someday. Chances are I will and if her attitude at 2 years old is
any indication she is going to beat her aunt in the game of trouble
by the time she is 5. I do however have an advantage.

My two other sisters had kids a while before I had my first. I was
26 before I had my first baby. I'm kind of glad I waited too. A few
extra years of me waiting to have her made a hell of a lot of
difference in who I am as a father. Compared to my sisters I am a
saint in parenthood even though my daughter lives in Texas. I credit
that to those few more years of waiting. Because it was in my early
to mid 20s that I found out all that shit I thought I knew at 18 was
all wrong. Just like my theory of the quarter covering the moon.

I look at my sisters and their lives and how they raise their kids.
And I try to keep my comments about it to myself. I look at my baby
sister, who thank the gods has no kids at the moment, and again I
try to keep my comments to myself. I look at my 2 year old daughter
and I try to figure out how to make her hear me before it is too
late.

I can make her hear me by learning a new language. Spending enough
time in this thing called "my life" to learn how to see the world
through her eyes. It's not about parenthood, it's not about love,
and it's not about concern. It's just about learning. And instead of
trying to control her life with hollow tactics, color it with
ballet, quotes, fairy tales, and a crayon so big only daddy can use
it.

Be a hero. Not a dictator. They will love you for it.
And when it comes to taking the time to learn all the things that
are out there to learn, would you rather have your child say that
you don't know shit as my baby sister does, or do you want to over
hear them telling their friends that you know everything?


Angel Snowden-2006